Saturday, September 26, 2020

Updated 3569


“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”
― Sarah J. Maas, House of Earth and Blood
Hi Everyone!

These last few months have been very difficult emotionally and spiritually but that phrase from that book honestly really filled many parts of me. So many things have happened, it has been so many early mornings crying, so many bad weeks because as everyone has in some way, anxiety, depression, insomnia, stress, and a toxic environment couldn't take me anymore.

It has been very difficult because this year has been very screwed up. I really imagined my year would be different but I'm probably not the only one thinking this. I am a doctor and I worked during the beginning of this pandemic but the truth is that I do not feel like working for $ 15 a month. Now if you go to a specialist doctor, things are different, but there is another matter. This was the year where I was going to start working to become a specialist and I spent many months studying, but the situation with the hospitals is so chaotic that it doesn't even seem like They are going to start to enter new doctors to prepare as specialists. And here everything is in dollars, my local money is devalued. So for a month, I need like $300 USD monthly only for food when I am going to receive as payment is $15 USD per month and that is insane. I don't want to delve into the matter because it is so depressing.

By the way, 12 days ago I got a tattoo (I'll write you a post about the process) because I wanted to feel that I had some control of my life. Because I wanted to feel that I did something that I wanted to do and I had a long time without having that feeling.  I know this situation is gonna improve (I am not talking about this country I am talking about the pandemic) but I don´t feel happy about so many things in my life and I guess I changed a lot in these last months. 

I don't want to talk almost about the sentimental or romantic part of my life because I have been changing a lot. I love my boyfriend and I wish we could get married and have a family together. Because I am already 27 years old, I am not a girl or a teenager, I am an adult and I would like many things. But I understood that my happiness is mine and that I cannot expect more from someone who is not willing to give more. I would like more and I feel that we are in different tunes, I think we are in different chapters of our lives and I don't know. I don't want to say anything else because I hope that everything will work out for me in my love life. But I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my time or my life with someone who isn't willing to do more.  I know he loves me but our relationship is quite complicated.(*/▽\*)

I think I extended myself too much but there are things I wanted to get out of my heart. I am fortunate to live with my parents in the sense that although I am currently unemployed they support me. But the amount of things that I have to deal with daily with their toxic attitudes towards me (unfortunately my relationship with my parents is not good). And well dealing with my own inner demons is not a simple matter. I am not an easy person to deal with or understand. I hope within 1 year to be much better than right now.

I am learning to identify my emotions, to work not on the things that happen to me because what has happened to me I can no longer change. But to change in how I react. And I think the important thing is that there is always room for improvement.

Well if you have read me here, thank you very much. I wish you good health, peace, and love. ~ヾ(・ω・)



Bye Bye!!


16 comments:

  1. Glad to know more about you, best wishes!

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  2. you're not alone... lets pray together and put our hope that everything will be okay soon.. #staysafe

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  3. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all that. None of that is easy, and it's great that you are focusing on your reactions to things that are out of your control.

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  4. Good to hear you are okay. Things have been hard for us all this year and so glad your parents are there for you.

    Hope things pick up with your boyfriend, relationships are so complicated - if only people were simple and easy going!

    Look forward to seeing your tattoo. Take care and much love from me in Scotland xx

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  5. Interesting post my dear, thank you for sharing ) 

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  6. I have read your post impaciently. I can't believe there are still places in the world where one can still get paid so little, it seems like a mockery and a lack of respect towards the people who give you their time, their talent and their dedication ...
    As for your relationship issues, have you asked your boyfriend why he is so hesitant? You should tell them that you are ready and that this is very important to you. This is just a tought, you might take it into consideration or not but in anyway I wish you all the best. Hope things will get better for you soon!

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  7. May all work out in your favor. Hugs

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  8. Sending you a hug. 15 dollar for being a Dr. Is nothing. You definitely need to be getting paid more.

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  9. So much respect for all the health care professionals working during this crazy times. I hope life finds a way to treat you with kindness!
    Love,
    Ana
    http://www.annesperks.com/

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  10. You Just Keep Speaking Your Truth And Happiness Will Prevail - Sending Big Hugs

    Cheers

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  11. Faço minhas as suas palavras, Sakuranko! Esperemos que tudo no próximo ano, seja de longe bem melhor! E que esta pandemia, nos permita recuperar a nossa normalidade!
    Estamos numa fase estranha e complicada... e cada um lida com ela da forma que pode... se calhar aconselhava-te a tomar decisões relevantes, não para já, mas daqui a mais alguns meses, quando tudo o mais passar.
    Tenta estar bem, com os teus pais, pois de certeza que eles só querem o melhor para ti... e também deverão estar a atravessar uma fase angustiante, para vos proporcionarem uma vida sem sobressaltos!
    Fiquei de perplexa, como no momento, estão a pagar tão pouco à classe médica! Como é possível, isso?
    Mas este ano, a realidade está tão alterada, que tudo é possível! Como disse acima, não é uma boa altira para se tomar grandes decisões, com uma pandemia em curso... quando tudo isto estiver normalizado, aí sim poderá retomar a tua especialização.
    Um beijinho grande, e votos de tudo a correr pelo melhor, por aí!
    Beijinhos! Bom fim de semana!
    Ana

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  12. Espero que todo te vaya bien. Besitos.

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  13. Stay strong! These are such unfamiliar times. I hope things will get better for you. You are fabulous and I hope your dreams and passions will find a way to make life great for you. All the best! Stay well and be you!

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